As Our Heroine finished reading the latest Captain Jerky Pants comic book, a wild and fiery aspect flashed in her eyes. The time was 11:55pm but this was a not a night for sleeping! The heroic exploits of Captain Jerky Pants had transformed the blood in her veins to a rushing river of quicksilver. OH leaped out of bed like a maddened war horse answering a call to battle.
She snatched her cape (actually a cape/hood/mask ensemble) from the closet and plunged into the darkness that hid a hundred evil deeds. As she pulled the long black cape over her head, she became The Masked Avenger: suburb spy, litter eliminator, warrior of wrongly-placed waste.
At the end of her driveway, The Masked Avenger sniffed the wind vigorously, searching for signs of trouble. Before long, her highly trained nose detected traces of wood smoke in the air.
"Ah-ha, what ees thees?" The Masked Avenger hissed to herself, "Could it be the scent of evil on the weend?" and she stealthily crept forward in the direction of the smell. She had only crept twenty paces--well, if she had been walking upright the distance would have been twenty paces, but since The Masked Avenger was creeping, it might be said that she crept forty creases--when it became evident that the wood smoke was coming from the direction of her neighbor, Henny Fargo's house.
"I wonder eef she has a permit for thees fire, precious?", The Masked Avenger asked herself. Her computer-like brain was reviewing her neighbor's record of suspicious behavior when a speeding vehicle rounded the corner and hurtled down the road toward her. Her super hero reflexes jump-kicked into action, and she dove headlong for the underbrush on the edge of her neighbor's lawn.
However, in the excitement of the moment, the caped crusader forgot an important feature of Henny Fargo's property, which was a five foot deep gulch that lay between her house and The Masked Avenger's.
"DAD-rat BLAST and con-SARN it!" the hero bellowed, as her body bounced over several inconveniently placed rocks. She staggered to her feet and clambered to the top of the gulch, emerging from the underbrush looking somewhat less than heroic. The recent blows to her body were quickly forgotten, though, as the first sight to meet her eyes was a fire burning brightly behind Fargo's house.
As The Masked Avenger stepped into the firelight, a ghastly wail rent the stillness of the night.
"Aaiiiiiiiiii!" the voice shrieked, and its owner fell off the overturned pail he had been sitting on, and scuttled away from the masked apparition in a crab-like, frenzied manner.
"Silence, jackanapes! State your purpose here!" The Masked Avenger commanded in stentorian tones. The stranger began babbling in some foreign tongue.
"Quite babbling in a foreign tongue, jackrabbit! Who are you and what are you doing here?"
"Sacre bleu! Oh, so soree, but you fright me. I am Enrique Felderbrush and I am make a Vegemite sandweech". He nodded sadly at the fire and the smoking remains of what might have been two pieces of bread. The stranger spoke very strangely and The Masked Avenger peered at him closely to see if he had something in his mouth.
"What the blinking blue bells is wrong with your speech?" she demanded to know.
"I am from Quebec, I have an accent". The Masked Avenger thought that this was a pretty poor rhyme and a bad time to be making poetry. She told him so, and asked the man if he had a permit for a fire.
"Qui? Excusez moi?"
"Do you have a peermeet?", she shouted. The man shrugged apologetically.
"Well, Enrique Felderbrush--if that's your real name, and I doubt it is--you're going to have to come with me. I'm placing you under citizen's arrest".
"Arret...arrest? You are poleece? No, you are Bat Womeen!" He pointed at the bedraggled figure and guffawed, slapping his thigh.
"Very funny, buckteeth. Let's see how hard you laugh when your quebec is in the hoosegow". As she advanced toward the man he saw the look of deadly calm in her eyes and he ran.
In the man's absence, The Masked Avenger searched a nearby tent, where it seems he was staying, since his wallet and personal effects were there. As she was methodically rifling, Henny Fargo emerged from her house to see what was happening.
The Masked Avenger explained to her that the man who had been burning without a permit had run away and the situation was under control. She noticed that Henny was shaking, probably with fear, and she smirked ferociously to show the woman that The Masked avenger is not quite safe.
"I...have a...permit", the woman spluttered. This news took the super hero by surprise, but she knew that Henny had more to worry about than an illegal fire.
"It seems that the man who goes by the alias 'Felderbrush' was squatting in your backyard".
"Enrique is my friend and I let him camp here, thank you very much!"
"You are welcome. Glad to be of service". The Masked Avenger had accomplished a great deal this night. Captain Jerky Pants would have been proud.
